A Day of Death

Today was a day of loss for many. The world lost the music legend, Michael Jackson to cardiac arrest, and the famed actress, Farrah Fawcett to cancer. But neither of these deaths will affect me as much as losing my stepfather, Nino, who succumbed to cancer today at the age of 70. While Nino was not my real dad he was the only father I knew. My mother was married to him for over 30 years. I'm still in a little bit of a state of shock. It's been many years since someone close to me passed away. I feel sad and numb at the same time.

Nino had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, stage 3. They tried chemo and radiation but because he was a dialysis patient, it made him very ill. He was hospitalized for quite a while and whenever I visited him my heart broke for him. It's difficult to see someone you care about in agony. He couldn't move his body without crying out in pain.

Before he started to get really sick, he shared with me that he had been thinking about death. He also admitted that he was afraid of dying. I didn't know what to say to that but I held his hand and tried to ease his fear, "Don't be afraid. It's going to okay. "But it wasn't okay for him. His health quickly detioriated and he was in constant pain. He lost 40 pounds in a matter of weeks. The only consolation I feel is that Nino is no longer in pain...

A few days before Nino passed, he would try to talk but not make much sense. But he did say to me that he was hearing the voice of his mother calling him. She had been dead for many years. It makes you wonder about the afterlife...

I also feel for my beautiful mom who has been married to him for all those years. We are there for her and always will be.

RIP Nino. You will be missed...

Love is not Enough

I was listening to Suzanne Vega's song, "The Story of Frankie and Ava." The hook of the song is "it's not enough to be in love. It's not enough to be in love." I love that lyric line because it is so true. Frankie and Ava are in love but have a dysfunctional relationship. They have major passion and major problems. As grownups we sometimes go into or stay in a bad relationship because we are "in love." We deny or minimize flaws in the partner because we don't want to let go of that person or that love. So we sweep issues under the rug or pretend that the "red flags" aren't there. But eventually, people in dysfunctional love relationships realize that "it's not enough to be in love." If the issues can't be repaired then the relationship is bound to end. Unfortunately, love is not all you need. You need much more to keep the flame of love burning bright...

The Sad Cycle

I recently learned from my mother that my father's dad was also a musician and that he was also an absentee parent to my father. My grandfather, "Vincent," was not around for his own son either. I didn't know that! Finding out about that bothered me and made me sad but it also made me understand a little better perhaps why my own father was not around for me either. Perhaps he simply repeated the sins of his own dad because he didn't know any better.

Writing "Artist on the Album" (the first track on my debut CD, No Expiration Date) was great therapy for me in terms of allowing me to create something good out of something bad. As the lyrics to the chorus states, "I never really knew him. He left when I was three. He needed to pursue his passion, so he left our family. Music was his mistress. His whole damn life, you see...the artist on the album was only my daddy." Not surprisingly, those words resonant a little more deeply now that I know my father experienced the same disappointment. I guess we have that in common.

Time to Celebrate!

In about 30 minutes I will be celebrating ANOTHER birthday. It's exciting to me, even at this age! I am grateful to be alive and well! I will be celebrating with friends and family and making the best of it. Besides my family whom I love and treasure, my friends are vastly important to me. In many ways, they are like my 2nd or backup family. I am blessed enough to have quite a few best friends in my life. Each of them bring something special to the table and are patient enough to deal with my occasional bouts of wackiness.

I am grateful because this birthday is the year that I will have released my new CD, No Expiration Date. Barring no setbacks, it should be ready to be released on Tuesday, June 30th. I can't wait! We also have a few gigs lined up for the summer and that's always fun! Life is good and getting better.